Guest Blogger: Life Of A Non-typical Naija Guy In India (Part II)

The first part of this story began with Kay Show leaving Nigeria and arriving in India, 11 hours later. On arrival, he almost pays 500 dollars for a taxi-ride that cost less than 80 dollars… his roommate invites him to “share” his girlfriend and so on.

Here’s the concluding part of his story… enjoy.

Jalandhar, Punjab…

I told you the weather of Pune was wonderful yes? Well Punjab was HOT!!! Do not go to Punjab people!!! It’s like Sokoto, only worse!! I just couldn’t turn back!! And when it was winter, it was cold!! Very cold!! That place was just extreme in its weather!! Anyway, I got down to business right away, I stayed with friends for a while as I searched for my own place, got settled in a church (Ebenezer Assembly of God) and our pastor was a youth pastor of RCCG who was also schooling in the same university I was enrolled into. I joined the choir (yes I can sing *smiling*) and became a minister in that church and throughout my stay in India, my service to God was perhaps the most important thing to me and it was amazing!!!

University

And I’m sure some of you reading this and have watched some India movies would be like “surely not all Indian girls are fine”…”surely not all of them can sing and dance like Priyanka Chopra”…hehehe…YES!! All Indian girls are FIIIIINNNEEEE!!!! Okay most of them are…so much so that even the ugly boys have FINE BABES!!! Unlike Nigeria where all the fine babes are already taken and even those taken are still prime targets for awon boys!!! I even hear that married women with kids are not exempted from awon boys, hehehe… and when it comes to singing, honestly they all can sing!!!

One day, in my fourth semester, I was doing something for my Diagnostic Microbiology lecturer in the laboratory and I heard her sing!!! I was like…Mam!!! You can sing!!! With a big smile on my face…She smiled and said “Kay!! All Indian girls can sing…it’s nothing special” It is ooo!!!

Just ask a person who has endured listening to Tonto Dike (that “high” song ehn).

Anyway, back to the first semester and as soon as classes started I immediately knew I was in for it! My lecturers were teaching 80% of the lecture in Hindi!!! The other 20% were words like “okay’ and “do you understand?” Understand what!!! How was I to understand!! I complained and complained but they would say “Kay, most of the students don’t understand English, you have to understand” So? Me I should not now understand what you’re teaching abi?? It eventually got better as I learnt a few words in Hindi and made a few friends who taught me more Hindi.

Also, after a lot of complaining by the African students’ community, the management finally asked the lecturers to give their lectures in English and I was impressed as most of them could speak English fluently!!! I had thought they didn’t have a good command of the English language and as a result taught in Hindi.

After 4 weeks of class, it was time for mid-term exams and it was great…well, I thought it was until the scores came out!! I wanted to die!! One course in particular wanted to drive me insane! It was General Microbiology and one of the 5 questions asked was “LIST the contributions of Louis Pasteur to the field of Microbiology (15marks). So I said to myself, I will just list 15 contributions Pasteur made and that should be enough…1 mark for one contribution shey? Hehehe…I was in for a shock!!! When the exam sheet came back for scrutiny, I saw 5/15!!! I screamed!!

I said to the Professor Why? How? What is this?

Guess what he said? He said “Kay, it was a 15 marks question, you should have explained what you listed” I screamed!! The question said LIST!!! Not list and EXPLAIN for God’s sake!!! This is simple English!!! Don’t you guys understand English??? While the professor tried to explain, all I could do was remember one of my lecturers in Redeemers University (Dr. Efuntoye) who would subtract marks from students who did “over sabi” by explaining when he asked only to list. All the Indian students got 13 and above in that question. Apparently they all understood the “Indian English” and explained their points!!! Some even drew diagrams and colored it!!!

That day I learnt a valuable lesson…” Indians speak and understand the English Language differently”. Since that day, whenever they asked a question and said LIST, not only did I list, I drew diagrams, charts, tables, and explained with lengthy words (hehehe). “Once bitten twice shy”

Well, I wish I could say more about my stay in India, the friends I made, my fights and arguments with teachers, my funny project supervisor, church activities, their funny foods (chapatti and the rest) in this particular write up….but heyyy…I will do that in the next one!!! Hope you enjoyed this one….

Guest Blogger: Life Of A Non-typical Naija Guy In India

[Hey guys, give a warm welcome to Kayode Adeyemi, aka Kay Show, he’s an intelligent, good-looking, Christian fella and my first guest blogger. He has sent me an interesting account of his stay in Bollywood India. Totally hilarious. Hopefully, we would get posts from Kay Show every weekend.]

Enjoy…

Leaving Nigeria…

It was about 5am or so and I could hear my mom saying “Yemi, shey oo ni wa lo we ni? (won’t you go and have your bath)”

Arrrrggghh!!! I grumbled and grumbled some more before I eventually got up, had my bath, dressed up and came to the sitting room where my parents were waiting for me. As soon as I got there, my mom asked me to kneel down so they could pray for me and thank God they did!!! The heartfelt prayer of a mom or a dad over a child does wonders!!! It is like a spring board propelling one to greater heights!!!

After praying, we immediately left for the airport. During the journey to the airport, I kept on thinking of all the things I would miss…my mom’s amazing cooking, talking about football with my dad (we’re both die hard Chelsea fans), my church and my friends.

I was scared you know, I mean I was going to India to spend two solid years!!! How would I cope? What would I eat? I’d be all alone!! Then there was the issue of flying!! Flying scares me!!!

Anyway, we got to the airport, I did all the normal checking in stuff and “those people” wanted to take plenty money from me!! They said “aahhh!! You are taking Gari, Beans, Palm oil, Poundo yam, Indomie to India!!! Na business you wan go do for that side? You gast find us something ooo!!!”

After plenty begging and explanation they allowed me check in (after sorting them sha) and I said goodbye to my parents, went to the departure lounge where I remained for about 45minutes and during that time, all I could think of was how I was going to fly all the way to India in a plane!! I was really scared!!! I eventually boarded the plane.

I was finally on my way to India!!!

Arriving India

The journey took 11 hours!!! 11 long hours!!! Although, there was a stopover in Doha, flying 11 hours was just exhausting for me especially when I had never done it before (but I got used to it in my subsequent journeys).

“Ladies and gentlemen, on behalf of Qatar airways I will like to thank…blah blah blah” I wasn’t even listening to a single word the captain was saying!! All I was saying in my mind was “Ope ooo!!! Thank you Jesus!! This plane did not crash!! I was finally in Mumbai!! And it was just like Lagos!!! Like Ajegunle in fact!!! Seriously it was!!

It was dirty, it was smelly…and Nigerians plenty for that side ehn!!! Doing all sorts of business… trust your people na…I’m sure if you go even to the North Pole you will find Nigerians doing business there (hehehe).

Anyway, I called the person that was to come pick me from the airport and he told me he was having a class and wouldn’t be able to come and asked me to go get a bus or cab that would take me to Pune, Maharashtra.

I was so angry!! And as I was still trying to figure out where to get a cab, I saw a Nigerian (he was speaking Igbo) who had come to pick someone who came to India for medical reasons. In my mind I said thank God!! This guy would help me…oh how wrong I was!!

The guy said I should give him 500 dollars…I said hanhan bros 500 dollars just like that!! He said “no give me na…Sidon dai they wait” smh…like really I shook my head and left. Anyway I went to a cab stand just outside the airport and asked for a cab and the Indian man wanted to dupe me sha. A Nigerian!! See disrespect!!!

He said “Anji, You go to Pune 400 dollars only” while shaking his head left-right left-right like they always do! I just stood up and left. He screamed “Bayar!! You first time India? No? Okay pay 300 dollars only, good price bayar, good price” and gave me one funny smile… I did not even answer (I have had plenty experience with them Ikeja boys) I just walked back to the airport and spoke to a security guard who then directed me to the official airport cab stand (I wonder why I didn’t do this initially) and guess how much I paid? 3500 rupees!!! That’s like 60-70 dollars!!! Imagine!!

Bros Emeka (that’s not his name ooo!!) wanted to collect 500 dollars from me!! And that yeye Indian man, 300.

Pune, Maharashtra…

So I got to Pune and I loved it there!! It was beautiful!! Weather was great!! I made friends- Nigerians and Indians, attended Christ Embassy church there and it was super fun! I even had a Romanian flat mate who at one time, offered his “girlfriend” to me for the night for 100 dollars…hehe…I suffered ooo!!

I said “oh sorry I am a Christian I don’t do stuff like that” he said “common man! It’s nothing!! Just fun!! I said thank you ooo…dey no go put sand-sand inside your gari, I no want!! Okay I didn’t say that…hehehe…I just politely refused.

Later I discovered that he was practicing a religion called “Osho” and oh my God!! The things those people do ehn!!! Sodom and Gomorrah things I tell you!!! (I will give you guys the full gist later). Anyway, I spent 6 months here because I only came for my training in Clinical research and Data management and I had to go to Punjab for my Masters. But honestly Pune was fun and I didn’t want to leave!!! Oh by the way, Pune is close to Goa and Goa is amazing!!! You guys should go there!! You will love it.

[The story continues in part 2 <—- Read Here]